IF YOU ARE AN INDIAN........
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.
3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick, tshick, tschick, tschick.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam)
9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and Aunties" will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.
16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
17. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with some household items).
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.(And they prefer it that way).
20. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
21. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or airplane.
22. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
23. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."
24. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin whom you have never met.
25. Your parents still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls. As if they do not shout there voice wont reach the other end.
26. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
27. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 800 people.
28. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
29. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
IF YOU ARE AN INDIAN........
A redneck family from the hills of Arkansas was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives.
The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno.I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got noidea'r what it is.
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy..................go gitcha momma!!!"
I'm not doing a car Ad here.. but i want you to put your car in this place... and think :-)
Linea Crash Pics. testimonial for being Built Like a TANK
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A Member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
Winston Churchill - "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Clarence Darrow - "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) – "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
Moses Hadas – "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Mark Twain - "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Oscar Wilde - "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill - "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
Click on the link
Battle at Kruger
David After Dentist
Otters holding hands
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
College buddy Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Save our planet... its the only place in the universe that we get chocolates..
Balanced diet is chocolate in both the hands....
"Omnia vincit Amor"
Face it... Fight it
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