Monday, July 13, 2009

What men think...funny


Find out what may really mean when they say...

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".


"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"


"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.


"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."


"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."



"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"


"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."


"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner had great t**s."



"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."


"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."


"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."


"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"



"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."



"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."



"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."



"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."


"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK"
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.



Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.



Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.



Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.



Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.



Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.



Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.



Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.



Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.



Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that You actually look forward to the trip.



Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.



Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.



Father : A banker provided by nature.



Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"



Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.



Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.



Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.



Optimist : A person who while falling fromEiffel tower says midway "See I am not injured yet."



Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.



Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.



Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.



Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.



Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.