Friday, July 17, 2009

Do you "know" English?

There is no egg in the eggplant 
No ham in the hamburger 
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. 
English muffins were not invented in England 
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted 
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that 
Quicksand takes you down slowly 
Boxing rings are square 
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. 
If the plural of tooth is teeth 
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth 
If the teacher taught, 
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables 
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? 
Why do people recite at a play 
Yet play at a recital? 
Park on driveways and 
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy 
Of a language where a house can burn up as 
It burns down 
And in which you fill in a form 
By filling it out 
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers 
And it reflects the creativity of the human race 
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why When the stars are out, they are visible 
But when the lights are out, they are invisible 
And why it is that when I wind up my watch, It starts 
But when I wind up this observation, It ends.

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