Dear God,

This is going to be a really tough letter to write. I mean, the world has changed, dude. Most young people don't believe you exist. When in doubt, they google you, and you know what? Your PR guys need to be sacked for complete and total misrepresentation ; check out the rubbish thrown up by the search engine. Depressing stuff, man. Totally not cool.

It's about time you got smart and joined some social networking sites. Tweet away, darling. We want the real thing. Gyaan in your own words. And no special privileges for being God – 140 characters like everybody else, okay? Set up a Facebook account – don't you want to know how many 'friends' you have on earth? Get your own interactive website and watch the fun.

Business first. Where were you when we in India needed you the most? I mean the country was holding its collective breath on September 30, waiting for 'The Verdict' . Anything could have happened, who can restrain our hotheaded netas but your good self? But you were Missing In Action: nowhere on the scene, leading to much confusion as various groups fought over your official residence . Silly people! Every child in the world knows you prefer to live in the hearts of believers. What's the fuss over a monument? Do you really need one? Have you ever needed one?

As for the h a a l a t of those three judges, they were landed with the toughest job in the world. Imagine being asked to decide which grand abode is your personal preference – a new temple or a demolished mosque? Nobody thought of asking you. If the monument is meant to please you, surely you should have a say in the matter ? We're having an informal, friendly chat, we can always ask for an SMS poll later. Speak your mind while there is still time. The three wise men have suggested a three-month pause. Three months is enough, right? It's called a cooling off period and we're hoping those who are in such a state of agitation right now, will calm down and think this through carefully.

They'll say 500 years of thinking has already gone into this debate. So what? Let 500 years more pass. You'll agree that what's most important at this point is sanity and calm. Status quo is not such a bad option. 
We human beings can be so stupid; here we are frothing at the mouth and making all sorts of claims over 2.7 acres of land. Agreed, land prices are going through the roof, but this is ridiculous. Fortunately, young people are more in tune with sensible solutions. Not for them the futile exercise of proving that this is indeed your favourite hang out. This generation is pretty smart. To them it doesn't really matter whether they party in this disco or that. So long as they have a good time.

With fundas like these in place, they are laughing at all those old fogies hyperventilating on television and telling them, "Get a life, you guys." These kids are absolutely right. But will anyone listen? No. Because it suits netas of various hues, it keeps them in business.

This is your moment, God. Get up and do your thing. Strut your stuff. Throw attitude . Tell those feuding fellows, you'll have none of it. They may ignore you completely since in any case you are incidental to this manmade controversy. There are so many worthier issues that need immediate and urgent intervention . Our bachchas need schools, colleges and toilets. Mandirs and masjids do not help their cause, but temples of learning do. Drill some sense into the chaps preparing for Round 2. Advise them to open their eyes to India's new realities; our restless youngsters are not interested in the politics of religion. They'll settle for jobs and a better life, any day. Let the netas coopt the desires and dreams of the majority – India's youth – into their agenda before launching another legal battle that could go on 18 or even 80 years. This is really too much, and as everybody was chanting that dramatic day, "We need closure."

The verdict is out. Three judges had the unenviable task of decoding the sentiments of a billion-plus people. The judgment is apolitical and bold. Who can possibly please and appease almost one-fifth of humanity? Not even you. There is talk of 'reconciliation' but nobody is saying what exactly that means. Besides, can there be a board meeting without the chairman , which is you? Better that we put this centuries-old issue behind us as quickly as possible before a foreign hand stirs up trouble. What say? Till then, you can chill.

What an idea, Godji! Your devoted bhakt, Shobhaa